Infommercials Goin Ham

This had to be one of the funniest commercials ever. My favorite part is when the "watch this..your gonna love my nuts" repeats. Whoever thought of this is a genius, well they are a genius for making this into a auto-tune commercial. LMAO.

Oh yeah and it seems like you no matter how hard some people try auto-tunes cannot be killed just by saying it is dead. It is like Chucky or Jason or Freddy or Mike Myers or Leatherface or Jigsaw. You stab in them in the heart, push the off a building, run them over with a car, you blow them up, make them listen to a Travis Porter song with a good beat, but yet and still at the end of the movie they someone pop back up, and are able to come out with another even more horrible sequel.

Could this be the start of a new trend. Will T-Pain or Lil Wayne or T-Wayne be doing the next Viagra commercial?

Quotes from Mr. Eyvan "Watch Me Take The Chevy Off Road" Streeter

Not only can this dude decipher extremely complex metaphors but he can also make some of this own. So today he hipped me to the new Waka Flaka Flame and Traivs Porter mixtape, I sure he is aware of how Waka Flaka Flame is my favorite new rapper. So we are having a discussion about their rap skills, and he says "These dudes are role players". I am like yes they are, but he continues, and this is parapharsed. "You know you have your Nas, Jay-z's, Andres, Lupes, and Lil Wayne who are comparable to your Kobes, Lebrons, and Wades...And then you have your Mo Evans, Jason Terrys, or James Poseys, the dudes who come off the bench but still have some game and they get the job done those are your Young Dros. But then you got dudes like Quentin Richardson, those dudes that for reason everybody seems to think can hoop but he is really garbage." I was dead on that comment but it is because it is such a real statement.

And here is bonus quote that I thought was some real talk:
"wondering why when even a remotely attractive girl makes a status like 30 different niggas feel the need to make a heart felt comment...thirsty...smh"

Sometimes I be wondering this too.

Baby WTFS!!!

Is this dude serious? Has he heard a Lil Wayne song that came out before No Ceiling. This dude said "I do not care how good a nigga is, if he ain't making no money he ain't worth ish". That statement seems so backwards to me. So because Lil Wayne makes so much money he is the best rapper. This is like saying that if Dj Mbenga got a $150 million dollar contract he would be a better player than Kobe Bryant. He also said lyrically nobody is messing with Wayne. I like Wayne, but honestly there are about ten or elven dudes who are lyrically messing with Wayne and better than him. Lupe, Nas, Jay, Andre, Drake, Em, Kanye, Jada, Beanie just to name a few. Now when it comes to money. Wayne is racking up the doe, but he does not have businesses to make him money. Jay-Z is a business man. He does not have to rap, he just does it to do, and he is still one of the best. At times this dude is not even the best lyrically on his own label. Maybe Baby just feels like he needs to hype this dude, maybe Wayne saw this and he felt like he needed to go in on that No Ceiling mixtape. But to me Baby lost his mind saying this.

Facebook beef is the best, i love it

When two people start beefing on facebook it is the best. I mean sometimes I believe that statuses are made just for facebook beefs. Now you can start tagging people in them. I mean you can say almost anything you status. I do not know maybe I am the only one, but sometimes I feel like facebook beefs are on the same scale as some major rap beefs. I know I would rather see so and so statuses about so and so, than hear 50 cent beef with everybody. So who enjoys facebook beef as much as me?

Sometimes I feel like I am a GENiUS

Sometimes I feel like I am a genius, enough said. I hope that you do as well.

NBA Season is here, YESSSS!!!

So the NBA season kicked off this Tuesday. I am a pretty big NBA fan, I will not I am a fanatic but it is probably my favorite sport to watch. This is going to be a rather short post about the beginning of the season, we are only two games in.

First, this is how you start off a Season


Carmelo over Millsap, ehhhhhhhh.

The first thing I want to talk about and it seems to be something that everybody is talking, The Lebrons are 0-2. It is only two games in and they do have one of the best player ever. Should people really be worried about them. I say yes and no. Lebron cannot win all these games by himself, and I mean they made all this hype about getting Shaq. And Shaq has been playing since when boxes where actually a cool hairstyle, so there is no telling how long this will last. But have no fear Lebron is here, I think they will still be threat, even when Shaq starts to breakdown.

Now some simple stuff

MVP candidates: Joe Johnson, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Dirk Nowitziki, Paul Pierce, Dwight Howard, and if he stays healthy Kevin Garnett.

Rookie of the Year: Stephen Curry, Blake Griffin, Ty Lawson, Jonny Flynn, and Terrence Williams. Oh yeah and Greg Oden, has he played a full season yet.

Sixth Man of the Year: Rasheed Wallace, somebody from the Celtics

Most Improved: Gilbert Areans, Danilo Gallanari, Kevin Durant and Martell Webster

Surprise Players: Danny Granger, Al Horford, Chase Budinger, and Ron Artest

Most dunked on Player: Paul Millsap

Dumbest Player: Lamar Odom

Who is going to the championship. I am going to have to say from the West: LA Lakers, Denver Nuggets, or the Spurs some how. From the East: Celtics, Magic, and then one surprise team.

Teams to watch Hawks, Jazz, Bulls, Toronto, Heat, and maybe the Thunder.

Worst teams: Knicks and Kings

I know I did not go too in depth, but maybe on another post.

That boy Eyvan "Watch Me Take The Chevy Off Road" Streeter

Again I have to go into some more Lupe oriented type stuff. Earlier today me and my homeboy Eyvan "Watch Me Take The Chevy Off Road" Streeter were talking about a Lupe, and he educated me to one of the craziest metaphors I have ever heard. So we were discussing the say something freestyle and he brought up the line:

"You'll see the back of my hand like the top of palms".

Mr. Streeter brought to light a crazy double meaning from this line. First he talked about the hand meaning of it, but then he brought up a meaning of it that I would have never thought of. He said "That if you are in vegas, and you are standing at the top of the Palms you will be able to see people hands". I was like what, man this dude is thanking about this. But that is what is good about Lupe he makes you think and discuss his lyrics. I tipped my hat off to you Mr. Streeter for bringing that to me.

R.I.P. Mixtape the nerd edition, coming soon.

Again this dude is going in. I can feel it is coming soon.

R.I.P. Mixtape the nerd edition.

Microphone Check, I make em all bounce,
every Teller in Bank of America, make em all count.
You gone need the whole staff to add up the amount...
it's gonna take to pay me off to keep me out your house,
to keep me in my zone so that I don't zone out.

I'm Rich and Po' like Zone 4, thoughts is deep like Tone Loc,
walk with me like old folk, 'cross your street a score's goal'ed,
I don't rap I hockey rink...'cause my flow is so cold!

I am on my "umm hmm," they are on they "Oh, No!"
I am really in here (hair), they ain't real like Soul Glo.
Don't you know I'm so sho, them nigga's got no Glow,
find a master for you can come back into the DoJo!

Lupe got his mind right, Nigga this is my mic
and I've come to take it all back like MILLER HIGH LIFE!!!
He must not be tied tight...back against the wall...
he will throw a ball, like he playin' Jai Alai.

I'll do the register, you just get them fries right.
I don't trust America, after watchin' Zeitgeist.
Take a look at my stripes, chest looks like a tiger' arm
and I'm hot as tiger balm, fire like a five-alarm,
(???.....) get ya fire-fighter on....

I ain't worried 'bout you hoes (hose). I don't even need to roll.
I turn down your Ex like how you put your tires on.
Once I get these tires on I buy a bomb and tie it on
and ride this around the entire song, find a line to drive it on,
park it near a metaphor, wait for it, the timer's on,
you can turn your hydrants on, I'll just turn my wipers on,
wipe it off then wipe me down but don't forget about my bomb!

These are the lyrics to Lupe Fiasco's All The Way Turnt Up freestyle. I posted the song earlier, and after listening to the song several times, I feel like Lupe needs to pull a young dro and come out with a R.I.P. mixtape because he ripped this beat, annihilated, murdered, murked, kilt, destroyed, assassinated, put it six feet deep, sent it to that long never ending sleep, in fact this is the hardest I have ever heard somebody rip a beat in a minute. Just marvel at the amazing wordplay. The metaphors in the song are ridiculous and I probably have not even found all of them.

Right off the bat he goes in with "microphone check I make em all bounce" which is simple enough, meaning when he gets on the mic he makes people bounce just like a bad check, and he surely did. The next metaphor that stands out to me is "I am rich and poor, like zone 4" referring to 1.) the zone in Atlanta where you can see the nicest houses in the world, and drive only two blocks and be in the hoodest place ever. 2.) Referring to Rich Boy and Polow Da Don of Zone 4 music. Then he goes in with the Tone Loc reference and his deep voice with the line "thoughts deep like tone loc". But I feel like this could have another meaning.

Lupe then proceeds to just go off:

"I don't rap I hockey rink...'cause my flow is so cold!
I am on my "umm hmm," they are on they "Oh, No!"
I am really in here (hair), they ain't real like Soul Glo.
Don't you know I'm so sho, them nigga's got no Glow,
find a master for you can come back into the DoJo!"

This verse was just crazy. The hockey rink one is simple enough. The ones that really sets this verse off is the references to Coming to America and The Last Dragon. That whole verse about sho-nuff, who is the master, and finding the glow is bananas. Lupe really shows that he can use a number of things to create deep and thought provoking metaphors. But wait it does not stop there, he follows that up with:

"Lupe got his mind right, Nigga this is my mic
and I've come to take it all back like MILLER HIGH LIFE!!!
He must not be tied tight...back against the wall...
he will throw a ball, like he playin' Jai Alai."

Lupe continues to be able to reference almost anything when he talks about bringing his mics back. If you have not seen it he is referring to the beer commercial where the black guys takes away beer from people who do not deserve to have it. I feel like Lupe is a person who can truly say this. There are a lot of people in rap who mics but do not deserve to have them. Then references a sport that most people probably have not even heard of. Jai Alai is a sport of Basque Spanish origin. It is the sport that is played against a wall, with the holder things, and is believe to be the fasted sport in the world. It was once on an episode of Jackass. That is what he is talking about with the last few lines.

To me the standout verse is this one:

"I ain't worried 'bout you hoes (hose). I don't even need to roll.
I turn down your Ex like how you put your tires on.
Once I get these tires on I buy a bomb and tie it on
and ride this around the entire song, find a line to drive it on,
park it near a metaphor, wait for it, the timer's on,
you can turn your hydrants on, I'll just turn my wipers on,
wipe it off then wipe me down but don't forget about my bomb!"

Like I feel like this is a verse you just have to hear and understand for yourself, But you have to listen to the whole song and other verse to understand why this verse is so great. But I will say the hoes/hose line was crazy, and "I turn your X like how you turn your tired down" (think about most jacks). This is what makes Lupe a better rapper than Wayne and why he should make an RIP mixtape, because he has the ability to make his metaphors continue throughout an entire song, he can also create double meaning that are beyond belief. While what I have heard from No Ceiling was good, some of the best Wayne I have heard in a minute, Wayne cannot fox with Lupend.

What would your dance craze be?

So there was the Macarena, Bankhead Bounce, Muscle, Eastside stomp, Walk it Out, Crank Dat, Chicken Noodle Soup, Harlem Shake, Swagg Surfin, Superman, Shoot Out, Two Step, Tootsie Roll, Stanky Leg, The Jerk and a whole host of other dance crazes that have graced this world. Most of the songs that have accompanied these dance crazes have been down right awful. I have been thinking about capitalizing on this lucrative business myself and creating a dance craze, along with a quite horrible song. Two ideas that I have had are very simple ones. One would, and me and my homeboy talked about this a lot, be bringing back the Pee Wee Herman dance. It is a simple dance that everyone could do. The other one would be taking a page from Knocked Up and white people all over the USA and making the Dice Roll a major dance craze. Now what would your dance craze be? If you think about it hard enough you might be able to create a lucrative money scheme for yourself.

Crank Dat Pee Wee Herman and Turn It All The Way UP


Swaggin Out With That Dice Roll

LUPE X ALL THE WAY TURNT UP= GOIN IN

This is how you go in on a song. I will admit that I was only recently introduced to this song and it quickly became one of my guilty pleasures. So you do not even know the shock and surprise i felt when I saw that Lupe hopped on this song. He showed his skill and his versatility on this one. After hearing this I would like to hear Lupe on more FUTURISTIC STUPID FRUITY OOWEEE TRAPSTAR ALL THE WAY TURNT UP SWAGGED OUT SHAWTY music. Killing it, there are few words to describe how he went in. Listen to the Travis Porter song and then listen to Lupe's version, who went in harder?

This is how you truly RIP a beat, maybe Lupe will follow this up with an RIP mixtape of his own.

Maybe Andre will get on this as well, I do not know what I would do. I think my head might explode.

Great Moments In Blackness

This dance scene was epic, it introduced a lot of people to the Charleston. I do not care how gangster or tough you are, at least once in everyone's life they have tried to do this. I have tried to do it several times myself.

FUTURISTIC STUPID FRUITY OOWEEE TRAPSTAR ALL THE WAY TURNT UP SWAGGED OUT SHAWTY

Being in the Bay Area for about five months now I have realized something. I have realized that the Bay Area is missing something, what are they missing? Swagg. Do not get me wrong when come the way they dress, they have more than enough swagg. What I am talking about is swagg music, that Futuristic/Loud/Gucci, Louie, Prada/Trapstar/ Stupid Fruity(and not at all in a homosexually way)/ Swagged out shawty music. I mean I rarely hear Young Dro, Yung LA, F.L.Y., Travis Porter, J Money, OJ, Waka Flaka Flame, Rich Kidz, and many of the other great swagged out artist. What can I do to quench this thirst for Swagged out music? FUTURISTIC STUPID FRUITY OOWEEE TRAPSTAR ALL THE WAY TURNT UP SWAGGED OUT SHAWTY. Every once in a while I will be posting a line or verse from one of my favorite Swagged out Atlanta songs, as well as the song itself.

First up I have my new guilty pleasure Travis Porter ft ATL "All the way turnt up". With a line that pretty explain everything that is FUTURISTIC STUPID FRUITY OOWEEE TRAPSTAR ALL THE WAY TURNT UP SWAGGED OUT SHAWTY, and in the first line:

"Dj turn me up, crank me to the max, i got lots of gwalla, i be blowin stack, Polo on my hat, shoes and shirt to match, i be turnt up, swaggin to the max"

Great Moments In Blackness

The two best Rocky villians ever are Clubber Lang and Draco. Clubber Lang being number one. Mr. T played on of the best characters in movie history, and all he did was simply be himself.

Black Jack Taco

So this is the new taco that taco bell is trying to push. Does this sound at all appealing to anyone? I will not eat taco bell at all. I do not care what has happened I will not eat it. Their food is very suspect to me in the first place, and now to have a taco with a black shell makes it even worse. The Black Jack Taco to me sounds like a seventies porn name. Like I think that they might sell more tacos if they advertise it as the twelve inch Black Jack Taco. And I had the perfect idea for a commercial for it:

So it starts with two women in huge Angela Davis Afros, sitting in a house looking bored, one white and one black. The commercial would have that fuzzy kind of snowy seventies look to it. Then that seventies funky porn music comes on: BOW CHIK CHIKK CHIKKA WOWN WOWN WOWN WOWN. Then this dude with a Afro, handlebar mustache, a polyester shirt that is half open with his chest hair showing, and a big Africa medallion walks in. And as soon as he see the chicks he starts to smile and he walks right toward them. The music continues, and he says "Mr. Black Jack Taco is here, now how wants some of this 12 inch taco?" in a James Earl Jones/Billy Dee Williams/John Amos/ Micheal Clarke Duncan voice. The black girl who is smiling says "Say what? Twelve inches". The white girl who has an intense look on her face goes "hmmmmmmm". Then the black guy goes " Now unwrap this taco and get some of this beef". Then he stands up over the chicks and you hear the sound of a zipper being unzipped and the chicks just stare up with mouths open wide, and the commercial ends there.

I am sure a lot of women would eat it just cause, and there would be some dudes who eat it too just because of the commercial. Does anybody think I should suggest it to Taco Bell?

Lil Wayne will have to cut his dreads.

There is one thing that needs to be said about Lil Wayne having to cut his dreds off.

*DEAD*

And shout out to my homie Shu Shu for pointing this picture out. LMAO.

Lil Wayne it is not that bad that you are going to jail...

At first this was something that I had no plans on writing about but since one of my homeboys pointed out how Wanye went in on a few songs I thought I would. Now I do not really plan on writing about the songs that Wayne went in on, though I will say it has been awhile since I have heard him go in like this, and I am somewhat shocked. Though I guess he is about to go to jail so maybe he thought that he would try and go in. No what I plan on writing about is the positives that Wayne could take from going to jail. So lets go ahead and get into them.

1.) Wayne could take the time the that he has to spend in jail to practice his guitar skills. Because lets be honest, he sucks as a guitar player, I do not care what anybody says. He either plays the same three notes every time he plays the guitar or it sounds like he is not playing for real. He would have ample time to practice.

2.) Practice his singing in the shower. There are going to be plenty of times that he will have to get in the shower and he could do all the singing he wants. But now when he gets in the shower he will have an audience to listen to him. And I am sure that they will give him very biased criticsm, hopefully he just does not drop the soap.

3.) More tattoos, I am sure in jail they will be able to find somewhere on Lil Wayne's body for a new tattoo.

4.) He can actually earn his tear drops. Though I do not think that he even has them anymore but maybe he could actually kill somebody in jail, to earn his tear drops. Maybe shank somebody in the shower or the caf.

5.) He could actually join a gang. Wayne is always claiming that he is a blood, but this seems to be something that started maybe four years ago, maybe less. There are a butt-load of gangs in jail, so Lil Wayne does not even have to join the one that he already claims, he can join a new one. Maybe he can even start his own gang. Maybe the ATJ Boyz (Auto Tune Tight Jean) or something like that.

6.) He can think about his next possible baby momma, it is always good to plan it out.

7.) Maybe he will go back to wearing baggy jeans instead of his super tight jeans.

8.) He can hit the weights.

9.) Dis spell all the gay rumors, by not having sex with any men, not kissing any men, or being anally raped by any men.

10.) Try and gain some street cred, and beef up his gangster lyrics. Maybe once he gets out he will make the first auto-tune song about being in jail.

Swag Surfin Freestyle


Run this town freestyle

Great Moments In Blackness

Pretty Toney X The Mack. This scene was outrageous. I know the pimp thing is stereotypical when it comes to black people, but the reason this is considered a Great Moment in Blackness is because of the acting. Max Julien and Dick Anthony Williams killed it. And there are a lot of great lines in this scene, lines that went down in history:

Chyna Doll: "I choose you"

Goldie: "Mr. Pretty Toney you the rules of the game, I mean you b#$ch just choose me, we can settle this like you got some class, or we can get into some gangster s@#t".

Pretty Toney: "You ain't no pimp, you a rest haven for hoes"

As well as the whole "$35,000 and seven...muthaf@#ka can you buy that?" thing. A lot of greatness in this movie, a lot of greatness. Rappers have been influenced hard by this movie. GREATNESS.

Where are the Black Panthers when you need them?

Things are getting pretty hectic with teabaggers and their anti-Obama protest. I think we need more than just people to do counter protest against them, we need something else something that will probably put some fear into them. What we need to do is get one of those Batman type search lights, and put the Black Power Fist in it. Who would answer the call of the Black Power Fist? The Black Panthers of course would come through. I think that a clash between teabaggers and Black Panther would be something epic. Can you imagine them showing up to a tea party dressed in a black, with their Africa medallions, and their Black Power fist and Afros it would be glorious. Do you think that the teabaggers would be afraid or would they actually continue to spout off a lot of their hate filled sayings about Obama, as well as hold their racist signs? But when I say Black Panthers I do not mean any new Black Panthers that they have now, I mean the Huey Newton and Bobby Seale Black Panthers. But there could be some KKK or Neo Nazi members hidden in the crowd of the teabaggers, but I still believe that the Black Panthers power is greater than that of the KKK or Neo Nazi.
Maybe bringing back the Black Panthers will bring back the sentiment of Black Power. And I do not mean the "I hate honkies" ideals of Black Power. I mean bringing black people together and standing up for the issues that affect us. And I do not mean "My POLO collection is better than yours", "I am smoking way more loud than you", "Oh no lil Wayne is going to jail!" I mean the true issues that affect our community. I cannot front I feel as though a resurgence of Black Power and the Black Panthers would make me want to believe more in strengthening the black community. I thought that having a half black president would have been more than enough to do that but it was not. Maybe the Black Panthers will come out of hiding, or Obama will reveal that he is actually a Black Panther at his next speech by showing up in all black and pulling a Tommy Smith.

G.O.A.T. enough said

When it is all said and done this dude will be considered one of the funniest people to ever do it. From his stand up to his sketch comedy there are very few people who do it better. Chappelle show was doing stuff that not too many people were even thinking about or if they were thinking about it they were too afraid to do it. I am glad to see this dude make an appearance, his stand up shows seem to happen ever once and awhile. I will also say that I saw this dude live once and there was nothing like, maybe one day in the future I will be able to do it again. And he is definitely one of the most consistent stand up comedians, he rally does the same jokes.

NICK MANAJ X OJ X WAKA FLAKA

I already stated how I feel about Nicki Manaj. After hearing this freestyle, I still feel the same if not even more. And I basically feel the same way about OJ and Waka Flaka. Gucci Mane might have assemble a group of the most worst ever rapper in history.

Ummm since when did this become ok? And why has nobody said anything about it?

A lot of people let Rick Ross slide for the whole being fat and not wearing shirt thing. But this, I do not understand why this is cool. Since when did rap groups start dressing a like and coordinating their outfits again. If they were an R&B group it would be whatever, but still kind of gay or maybe if they were a gang but they are not. These dudes are wearing the same color satin shirts, the same color vest, the same jeans, and they are coordinating. For 50 cent or anybody else who has beef with Rick Ross to not to say anything about this he is slipping, and deserves to lose to rick ross. Like I could understand if they where wearing the same shirts to promote their album, but that is not what they are doing. I wondered if they have morning meeting on what colors they are going to wear, what type of fabric they are going with, who gets to wear what shirt(Rick Ross of course getting to wear the satin jacket he can zip down to show his belly of course). I will admit they do make some semi good music but that does not give them reason to dress alike.

Another thing I wondered about was what is up with Plies tucking his shirts in now? Is this what the goons are doing these days, tucking their shirts in? Maybe goons tuck their shirts in to hide their guns better or something. There has got to be a logical answer for goon logic.

And Lastly, why is the one dude from Pretty Ricky named lingerie. Like if it was not gay enough already with the whole Spectacular grind off thing, that should take it to another level. I remember Cedric The Entertainer talking about this. This is basically like a grown man calling himself Delicious, there is nothing you can say to make it not be gay. Lingerie can get all the Lingerie he wants and he could possibly be having sex with like a dozen women a week but his name is still gay at the end of the day. The has to be a more masculine name. And any girl who finds a dude who calls themselves Lingerie anything other gay is retarded or they are confused about a few things.

Point of NO RETURN

Have you ever reached that point of NO RETURN? That point where you know you have to keep going no matter what. Well yesterday I reached that point. I had just gotten off from work, and had to walk a few blocks in order to go to a CPR class, because I do not have a car. I was already running late, but then I got another surprise to add on top of the pressure of making it on time. So I started semi running because I only had like fifteen minutes to get there. All of a sudden I get a feeling in my groin area. The first thing that I think about is "GOSH DARNIT why did I not use the bathroom before I left work". So I start running, and looking around there is nothing but houses, so I have to keep running. What sane person is going to let a hysterical black man into their house? As I am running I remember that there is a 7/11 a few blocks down, but I also think they probably do not have bathrooms. But i just keep running, and I finally make it there. I go in, kind of already knowing what i was going to hear, asking if they have a bathroom only to hear that "no" I was expecting. Having wasted about twenty five precious seconds I wanted to pee on the side of their buidling. So I run across the street into the first open door that I saw. This place is super tight and narrow and I assume that they do not have one either but I ask anyways. Again "no" but I do hear "try and go one door down". I move as quickly as I can. Now I am thinking to myself if I pee on myself, I will just quit at life in general. I scurry to the next door, and while there are people inside it is closed. And who in their right mind is going to open the door for a panicking black man? I run into a small apartment complex, thinking I might just have to drain the main vein here. But then I think I do not want to get arrested for exposing myself, so I take off running. I have reached the point of no return, I have to keep going, I cannot stop or that is it for me. At that point I cannot hold it, I feel like I am letting it go. Now I am thinking I am about to pee on myself, seriously, this is how it all goes down. Basically I am running a forty yard dash, and if I do not make it will be the biggest fail of my life. To my surprise I see the building that I need to go to, but I know that I cannot slow down or stop, so I just keep running. That was my moment of reaching the Point of NO RETURN, what is yours?

Let me also add that I am man enough to admit that I almost peed on myself, I am sure most people have been in a situation like that before, and some of you grown people have actually peed on yourself, and being drunk is not an excuse.

Kanye West "We Were Once A Fairytale"

Saw this about a day ago. I personally enjoyed it, one reason being because I can imagine him really being like that. The video is basically about Kanye being smashed. Kanye was tripping through the whole video. The funniest part was when he was having sex with the girl and then he woke up, and he was having sex with the couch. I am not quite sure what was up with the ending. Maybe he was killing his Wild Thing( As in Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are). I also thought it was funny that Bentley actually fought somebody, but I guess it was once a fairytale. I will not deny that I am Kanye fan and I think that he is super talent, even though a lot of people jumped ship after 808 and Heartbreaks(great album no matter what any says) and the Taylor Swift thing(which was blown way out of proportion).

KENNA X KID CUDI= MUSIC AT IT'S FINEST

I stumbled upon this on facebook. When I first heard Kenna's New Sacred Cow and then Make Sure They See My Face, I was like this dude is the truth. Then there is Kid Cudi, who created an EPIC freshman album with Man on The Moon:End Of Days. What makes these two artist so great? Well the music that they do is music, you truly cannot fit into a single genre. They are what you truly consider artist, their truly paint pictures and tell stories with their music. Hopefully they will do a song together and it will come out soon, I think it would be an epic collaboration. And if you have not heard any of their music here is some of my favorites:

Kenna


Kid Cudi

When do kids become fair game for criticism?

Ok I decided to revisit the tea party of San Francisco on 10/16/2009. So yeah that kid was there and he was holding that sign, and right behind him was his mother. I wondered if it was his mother who told him to write that sign. I also wondered who ever told him that Obama was supposed to be the Messiah. There were these actors i guess making fun of the people of the tea party by dressing up as the rich people who these teabaggers make filthy rich. One of these people saw this kid and decided to walk up to him and start saying stuff to him. I could not hear exactly what she was saying but it was enough to make the mother say "he is only fifteen". Now is that a valid excuse for him not to be criticism by the actor woman. If he is only fifteen then why is he there in the first place. How do you allow a kid who is only fifteen to criticism someone else but he cannot be criticized himself. To me that makes no sense what so ever. But he was not the only one, there was another kid holding a sign. When someone said something to her, her mother started yapping off about respecting the fact that she is only a child. How can you bring children to an event like this where you are stating you public opinion about some one in such a uncivilized manner at times, yet you feel as though the children that you brought are not fair game. So what do people think, when do children become fair game for criticism? And do their parents have the right to try snap at the people who criticize their children when they are in the wrong?

Gucci Mane X Drake

When I first heard that Gucci Mane and Drake were doing a song together, I expected the world to explode. That might be a little dramatic but I expected a lot more excitement about this than what I saw. I expected people to be posting the songs, changing their statuses to lines from the songs, DJs to drop the song on their show and then start yelling over it in that echo voice. But about three days have gone bye and nothing has really happened. These to dude are buzz/hype machines extraordinaire so you would expect more right? The two dudes who have been probably the two most talked about rapper of the year get on a song together and nobody really seems to care. Honestly I can see why. The two songs that i heard were pretty bad, and one of them made even worse by a Sean Garrett feature where he raps. Gucci Mane is in the same boat as Project Pat and Cam'ron the most greatest terrible rapper ever. What makes these rappers so great is because they say some of the most random stuff ever. Drake on the other hand is a good rapper going bad. You would think that Drake would get on a song with Gucci Mane and try to go in but instead he goes. There is nothing special about the two songs that I heard except for Gucci Mane and Drake are on them. Though it is hard for me to say I also excepted more from Gucci Mane on these songs too, but yet he did not deliver. You would also think that Drake and Gucci Mane would get better production. Timbaland must be mad at a lot of people because he has been giving out bad production to a lot of people lately.



and

Does Teabagging=Racism or something else.

For those who are unaware of what teabagging is this is an example:



and this which I got to witness firsthand:



Okay so last Thursday I went on a trip to San Francisco with my girlfriend. It seemed like any normal day in San Francisco until we walked through Union Square Park to find a horde of people with signs, chanting, and yelling. Obama was going to show up at the Westin, for what i am not sure, and people were waiting to give him a peace of their mind. A lot of the signs that we being shown had the same sort of stuff that you saw in the two videos. I even saw the "Obama is the Judas of America" sign up close, a few of them in fact. People were yelling out "We want our country back", "USA", "We want freedom", and also "USA is Christian". There was also a sign where that said "I do not want any of the Kool-Aid" with Obama painted in Joker face paint. Hearing and seeing all of this stuff i wondered when it was no longer the United States, is it because a half black man become president that it is no longer the USA? Is it going to be turned into the USBP?(United States of Black People). So the thing that I wonder is are these people really mad at what Obama is doing with Health care or is there a deeper issue that they are upset with? Yes I do believe that a lot of these people are genuinely upset with what is going on with Health care reform, but I also believe that more of them are upset with the fact that a black man is president. Especially the ones who know nothing about the issues in which they are protesting. So is teabagging just another excuse for people to be blatantly racist or is it just what it is a way for people to show how they feel about the issues? Well one teabagger has an answer for this question.



This is something I would I have liked to ask some of the teabagger I encountered. And another question would this be allowed if it was a large group of black people, protesting like this?

Great Review of a Great Album

This is a review of one of my favorite albums of the year. Ashura Toney did a very well put together review of the Kid Cudi man on the moon:end of days CDs. It was probably one of the best reviews i have read. i think the review pretty much speaks for itself so I will not say much more. Hopefully she continues to do great reviews for other great albums.

@ 1:00am I secluded myself from the rest of my house and the rest of the world. I turned off all electronic devices (i.e. lights, phone, t.v.), prayed for GOD to clear my mind and allow me to become a channel for reception. I plugged my ipod earbuds as far into my auditory system as humanly possible:), adjusted the volume of my device a considerable amount and proceeded to embark on a journey with Scott Mescudi also know as KID CUDI. KID CUDI's debut album entitled Man on the Moon: End of Day is an unorthodoxed body of work that cannot be defined by a specific genre of music, it is more of a theatrical experience for the imagination. Drawing influence from Electronica, Emo, Rock, and Spoken Word, fusing them all with melodic rhythms and precocious lyricism. Listening to this album I saw vivid images, my emotions changed with every Act, I knew at that point I was using more than 10% of my mind capacity................follow me as I convince you that your perception of music will forever be changed after listening to this album.

Act 1: The End of Day
My Mood: Attentive
"Soundtrack 2 My Life"
When I heard this track automatically I wanted to listen, drawn in by melody of orchestrated strings and storybook lyrics fully equipped with imagery and transparency......but still very upbeat and lively. Cudi finesses the breaks in the beat superbly with lyrics like "Once upon a time nobody gave a fuck// its all said and done and cocks been sucked//so now im in the cut// alchohol in the wound//my hearts an open sore that i hope heal soon"..........

Act 2: Rise of the Night Terrors
My Mood: Victorious
"My World" featuring Billy Cravens
I empathized with the lost protangnist of this act, Optimistism and Direct Realism work cohesively behind destructive and dark content in this track........The Triumphant Strings + The Brash Hook " THIS WILL BE MY WOLRD//i told u so" = EXULTATION

Act 3: Taking A Trip
My Mood: Euphoria
"Enter Galactic( Love Connection Part 2)"
The Combination of Spoken Word and Electronica = Hypnotic outer body experience without actually being on an acid trip...........very colorful up tempo dance record.

Act 4: Stuck
My Mood: Optimistic
"Cudi Zone"
Strong Violins mixed with even stronger Bass Lines and a catchy hook = A escape mechanism into the mind of a peace seeking realist........lyrics like "I keep myself so lifted//im accustomed to new heights//i feel perfect though they think its worthless"............

Act 5: A New Beginning
My Mood: Relaxed
"Hyyer" featuring Chip the Ripper
Whats a album without a classic "Wake and Bake" song, Cudi and Chip really embraced that signature Cleveland sound that we all missed, fast paced lyrics mixed with harmony and melody( 2009-2010 "Buddah Lovaz")........Cudi and Chip really paid homage to their predecessors Bone Thugs n Harmony, they would be pleased:)

All in all this album is consumed with Honesty and Creativity........Kid Cudi is free of disguise and falseness, he really allowed himself to represent a generation of avid music lovers who were bored with redundancy and ready for a refreshing sound.........Man on the Moon: End of Day was eminently executed.... JOB WELL DONE

Peace and LOVE
Ashura Toney

Great Moments In Blackness

Dolemite Fighting Junkie + His rhythmic spoken word= GREATNESS IN BLACKNESS

The devolution of Soulja Boy

I know what a lot of people are thinking, how does someone like Soulja Boy devolve. I mean this is what he started off as.



Starting off as this, it seems like it would be hard for someone to go to a lower form, but somehow Soulja Boy has manage to do this. When he first came out his appeal was to the kids, which is a good road to travel. His lyrical skills were always questioned because to sum it up he sucked. There was nothing complex about his lyrics but it appealed to who it needed to appeal to. And also with this one song he was able to gain a brand. Kids loved this dude and even some adults, I mean you could go out any night of the week and hear the song at least once at every club in Atlanta, when he was in his true prime. Now while i personally never like him as an artist at times I believe that he is an idiot savant. So now let us fast forward about two or three years, Soulja Boy puts out turn my swag which at its peak it was a theme song to everyone, but seemingly overnight he turns into this.



and this



I understand that he got a few tattoos, his clothes got a little smaller, and he traded his stupid rubber band chains in for some stupid flashy diamond chains, he started rocking gucci but I still do not understand how he changed so drastically. I assume that Soulja Boy equates being a good rapper to how much money he has, how many tattoos he has, how tight his clothes are, how outlandish his jewelery is, and how much Gucci, Prada or Louie he has. But has this helped him become a better rapper not at all. I know a lot of people are going to think I am crazy but I think that he is a far worse rapper now than he was before. He had more credibility when he was making up dances and kissing girls through the phone, now we are supposed to believe he is the hardest dude ever. Another reason that I say that he has devolved is because the style that he uses now is not his own and it is evident that he is being something he is not. Come on how are we supposed to believe that because he got some more tattoo and Gucci Mane has been on a few tracks with him that he lives a similar life to Gucci Mane. When the goons attempted to kill and rob Gucci Mane he killed one of them, however when the goons ran up on Soulja Boy they made this dude a hostage. I would not be surprised if there is some night vision footage of Soulja Boy being held hostage. Maybe Gucci is a reason for his devolution, it is true that outside forces can impact the evolution or devolution of a creature. Another reason I believe that Soulja Boy has devolved is because he has put off the fans that will make him the most money. How does he expected to sell to children when he is rapping about the weed he smokes, the hoes he has, the dudes who he might shoot, and his other garbage. Parents will not let their kids listen to that stuff, well most parents there are some who will. This dude has also said that everybody that has dissed he has crushed them. Dude come on Ice T way better rapper than you, Bow Wow still a better rapper than you, and he at least does not try to be anything he is not, Charles Hamilton ehhh still better, New Boyz suck pretty badly but not as bad as Soulja Boy, even the dude you want to be like Oj Da Juiceman dissed you. Oh wait but there have been two recent events that continue to progress his devolution. 1.Soulja Boy just got arrested, probably something he is happy about because now he has a record like his hero. He got arrested for being at an abandon building and then coming back to while the cops were still there. 2. He is growing out dreads now, come on dude, do you want to be Gucci or Wayne either way it is not you. But who knows it could turn around for him, maybe his next album will be that critically acclaimed one he is waited for the one that shows his true lyrically prowess.....Or it could be something more like this:



or this

The world would be such a better place if....

I cannot lie I am an avid fan of anime and manga. One of my favorite animes growing up was Dragon Ball Z. Now that I think about it, sometimes I wonder why I liked it so much. They talk for like ten episodes and then the fights lasted like thirty episodes, and it was the same kick, kick, punch, knee, kick, punch over and over again. But anyways back to my point. Something from Dragon Ball Z that I think would make the world a much better place is power levels. A power level was a way of knowing how strong an opponent was. Why would having power levels in the real world be a good thing? Well lets say you are at a club or a party and some dude who is like 6'6 258 pounds gets mad because you pour his girlfriend a little bit too much alcohol and you try to escort her to the bathroom or even a vacant bedroom. Let's say that you have a power level of 5,000, you could base the way that you want to handle the situation by his power level. So if his power level is like 3,000 you could be like "hey even though he looks like a NFL linebacker he probably fights like an NBA player, plus i really want to sleep with his drunk girlfriend". Or if his power level is like 9,000 you could be like "IT'S OVER 9,000!!!!,ummmmm, she was not that fine and there are better looking, drunker girls here". But hey power levels do not just have to be used when it comes to either fight or flight, it could be also used on 1. deciding which CD's to buy. Let's say you only have twenty dollars to spend on a new CD and there are some new CD's that just dropped, you could look at the power level of the artist whose CDs you would like to buy and go off that. Power Level's for artist would be something like this: Andre 3000= 50,000, Jay-Z=45,000, Lupe=40,000, Kanye=35,000, Rick Ross=20,000, 50 Cent=15,000, Gucci Mane=10,000, Lil Wayne=9,000, Oj Da Juiceman=5,000, ummm I retract this power level and give him a power level of 72, Tony Yayo=1,500, Wacko Flacko Flame=125, Soulja Boy=35. 2. Again you are at a party and there is a smorgasbord of drunk and hot girls there. Power Levels could be used to check out their drunkenness as well as their willingness to have sex with you or anything their drunk eyes believe to be some famous Rapper, Singer, Actor, or Athlete they have wanted to sleep with. This would also be a way to determine whether a girl is a slut. If her power level is over 60,000 she might be one to avoid. 3. You are playing basketball or football and somebody is coming down the hole or through the lane. Using power levels you could determine whether or not you would want to get in or out of their way. Because if you have a power level of 6,000 and they have a power level of 20,000 you are either going to get dunked on or trucked badly.

Come on Tyler Perry it's about time to step out of the closet

Ok, enough is enough. Putting up with his movies is whatever, who cares if he has made the same movie like twelve times, whatever. But I think it is about time that Tyler Perry admits that he is gay. How many times can a man dress up as a woman. I know he is getting paid really well but he obviously like dressing up as Madae and now other women. A lot of great actor have dressed in drag but no more than once or twice, Wesely Snipe, John Leguizamo, Patrick Swayze, Ving Rhames and Miguel A. Nuez all did it in one movie not in all the movies they have ever made (though at times I thought Miguel was gay too). Madea was one thing but then dressing up like all these other women....this dude is gay. And honestly there is nothing wrong with him being gay, I just think it crazy for other people to deny the fact that he is gay. At this moment I declare that if Tyler Perry does not put out a home made porno of him and Oparh doing it on their vacation to San Trope, on her yacht and he is not wearing a dress or a wig or make up, then he is gay. And the only reason I say Oparh is because she is the only woman he has been seen with. I think him coming out as a gay man would really help the gay community for the better...somehow maybe....and then Oparh could come out and say that she is a lesbian, and that her and Gayle killed Stedman quite some time ago. Because nobody seen Stedman in like twenty years, where he be at?

Congratulation Barack Obama but wait?

When I first heard that he had won the Nobel Peace Prize it was not really that big of a deal to me. But then when I was riding in the car with my dad to work listening to NPR it kind of hit me. At first my blackness kicked in. I thought well the First Black American President should win more than a Nobel Peace Prize because that is an accomplishment that is prize worthy. Maybe not like a $100,000 gift certificate to the Polo store or Polo section in Macys, a Tour of the Jordan Factor while being able to grab anything you like or a years supply of chicken, watermelon, red flavored kool-aid, and menthols but something none the less. And then when I heard them talking I thought does he really deserve it. Part of me says yes and the other part says no. No because it is simply too early, and while he has done a lot it has not been much. But the reason that I say yes is because he is in my opinion the first World American President. Bush had an America is number one and the rest of the world sucks donkey balls mentality. Barack is about bringing change not just to America but also to the world. Hopefully the impact of his massive world appeal will be felt and he will be able to make a great change in the world. Let me also say I have a lot respect for how humble he was about the whole situation. Many people would think the first black president would probably accept it by 1. Thanking God and Jesus or a combination, 2.giving a shout to all the haters, 3.telling his father that he misses him and knows he is looking out for him, 4.pouring one out for the homies that are not there, 5.shouting out to his baby mama and his kids, 6.shouting out to his sponsor or his parole officer, 7.being interrupted by a white man tell him to shut up and he is a liar, and 8. then dropping the mic as he walks off stage.

Debate: Most Sangnest white dude in history?

This is a debate that has been going on for quite some time now, it may be even going into it thousandth year of discussion. So let's get into. This is all based on my own personal opinion though I believe it to be correct. I believe that these are the white dudes that could compete with any R&B singer. There are a lot of white rocker who can scream and a lot of white dudes who have interesting voices but to me these are the white dudes that can sang.

5. Steve Perry

Don't Stop Believe c'mon Steve killed this one. His voice was epic. He sang on this song. His voice is what made this a karaoke classic, everybody wants to hit the notes like him.



4. Justin Timberlake
This song right here made me really believe that Justin deserves to be considered one of the most sangnest white dudes in history. He was hitting the UUUUUHHHHH YEAAAAHHHHH notes that black R&B singers usually hit. Maybe that is how he got Rhianna.



3. Daryl Hall.
All you really need to say for Daryl Hall is Sarah Smile.



2. Robin Thicke
Man the Evolution of Robin Thicke was one of the most hammest R&B cds ever. I do not care what anybody says. This dude can sang. To me the song that shows this off best is I Need Love. He is hitting the Prince notes, the R Kelly notes, and the Luther notes all on the same song, come on.



1. Micheal McDonald
This dude might be the lesser known of the five but he goes. What a Fool Believes is one of the greatest songs ever. And what makes him number one is that he can do it live. And like Robin Thicke he has range. The most sangnest white dude in history.



Honorable Mention: Kenny Loggins

When going ham goes wrong!!!

fail



fail



extra fail



EPIC FAIL

In the history of this world there have been people who talked a lot of ish and backed it up. And then there have been those people who attempted to talk a lot of ish and got dropped. I have complied a few videos of these people. The thing I must say about going ham is that you never know when it will end up back firing on you. You can feel like you are the toughest dude around and there will still be that one random person who drops you. Now lets get into the videos. In the first one from the UK a thug starts going ham, cussing out this dude who looks super out of shape and like the only thing he could beat up is a twinkie. He is talking all this ish throwing the dudes trash can around, talking about his bike and other stuff. Then when they start fighting the out of shape karate man lands one punch and lays the dude out. Not only does he lay him out but he hits him so hard that the dude crab walks backward to get out away from the guy. Going ham went really bad.

The next one is the black lady fighting an Asian lady over a seat. Black people I know that we are very temperamental about our seats on buses and what not but this is outrageous. The black lady starts talking trash but cannot back it up at all. She plain lost. Maybe she thought the Asian lady was a chump or something, maybe it was the jumpsuit I have no idea but she picked a fight with the wrong one. What makes the situation worse the fact that the whole time there is an old Asian man shouting "beat that bitches ass" in Chinese I believe.

Next and one of the worst is when the Hispanic dude gets knocked out by a another karate man. Maybe this is a sign that dudes who know karate can actually fight and there is a possibility that they will beat you in a fight. He was talking a lot but when he found out dude was a karate man he was like "no kicks". First all of the Hispanic dudes friend are laughing at the karate man. You would think that it was a joke if somebody starting doing all of that, but obviously it was not. If that was one of mine friend he would get clowned hard.

Last but most epic of all is the pimp vs the ninja. This is a prime of example of being careful of who you attempt to go ham on. If there was not a commentator talking about the pimp and how bad his day is about to get you would think that there was a possibility that he might win. No there is no possibility at all. HE LOSES and bad. Not only does he lose but he loses to a karate chop, who loses to a karate chop these days. I have never seen anyone get karate chopped so hard before not even in a Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan or Jet Li movie. And he gets karate chopped so hard that the taxi driver has to carry him, but he still ends up falling...twice, eh gets karate chopped so hard that his Kangol hat flips off. On top of that his name is Jay Lee. How bad is it that you get karate chopped by a dude named Jay Lee, who is a cop no less. GOING HAM GONE TOO WRONG.

MORAL OF THIS BLOG POST: Be weary of who you attempt to go ham on you never know when you may be facing a karate man and karate chopped.

There are a lot of things wrong with this

I have been watching this dude fight for a minute now, even when he used to fight back in the day in somebodies yard with his like doo-rag on. So then he started to make a name for himself and started to come up or whatever. And then he finally has his big moment and he fights on TV. When dude took off his little hat thing, I was like "WTFS". The perfect word to describe what i was feeling is "where they do that at?" This dude has braids that look like dreads pulled into a ponytail, with the Uncle Phil hairline. I wonder what he tells his barber to do when he get a haircut or line up or whatever. "Man can you line it up all the way to the back, but leave enough hair for my braids". This is possibly one of the greatest tragedies in haircut history. I will never forget when I was growing my hair and my beard out. One night after going to the club we took our usual trip to a Waffle House establiment, and everybody started asking me what I was going to do with my hair. My homeboy Aquanis was like "man you should cut all the top off but leave some on the back and the side, so you can get some dreads, and go with that Kimbo Slice look" Me and everybody else was dying.

Is this really the future of female rap?

So while Nicki Minaj my be aesthetically pleasing is she really a good rapper? Hmmmmmm, as a rapper Nicki Minaj is...QUITE HORRIBLE. After taking a listen to the five star chick remix, I thought to myself, do people really think that she is like the next big female rapper. I mean a nice butt and a nice pair of chesticles can only get you so far as a female rapper. I know that sex sells but come on she is so bad. I mean this Harajuku-Barbie style of hers is freaking retarded. All the poses and her delivery on the five star chick remix, was possibly one of the most worst things ever. I am pretty sure that most of the dudes who watch her videos probably turn the sound all the way down when they are looking at anything that anything to do with her or they hum while they are masturbating to drum out the noise of her horrible rapping skills. Lil Wayne obviously was super sizzurped up when he thought she was actually a good rapper. Though I will say that she does fit in with half of the other garbage rappers that are on Young Money. I guess riding Gucci Mane and Lil Waynes coattails, or is there another word that better suits what she rode. has its perks for her and for them. I could definitely see her carrying one of Lil Wayne's kids. I also feel that porn will be in her future, not like West Coast Productions type porn but like Paris Hilton with the night-vision goggles type porn. And that is only if there is not one out there on the underground yet. Somebody is probably just waiting for the right moment.

Allow myself to introduce... myself

Few events in the history of the universe have been more highly anticipated, (off the top of my head: high-speed internet for fans of free porn, the Snuggie, and anything endorsed by Billy Mays (R.I.P. I know your screaming about shitty products in a better place now)), but today, William Worth Long (aka Fresh Baked Bread aka Ice Cold Water) had succumbed to peer/fan pressure and has started blogging. Expect the unexpected and be afraid... VERY AFRAID.

Msg to the readers: I vow to be something like the "Where's Waldo" of cyberspace. A man amongst many, but always able to stand out.

Speaking of Waldo, why did he always wear a beanie and long sleeves, even when I spotted him on the beach. Additionally, his hermit-like behavior always seemed very suspicious. He was always surrounded by crowds of people, but never interacted with any of them. My theory: Waldo was/is a terrorist. Think about it... Homeland Security always warns us to look for people wearing lots of layers of clothing in crowds during the summer time. And also, I have noticed that I haven't encountered Waldo since the terrorist attacks of September 11th. Perhaps he is in cave somewhere with Osama. So don't be surprised if you notice him in the back of one of those Hamas hostage videos, screaming "Death to the Infidels," his red and white beanie standing out in a sea of white turbans.

-WWL

Introductions are in order

Hello all, welcome to the Suicide Watch. This is a place where we will be bringing whatever we believe to be funny or interesting to us. From music, movie, sneakers to anything between. My name is Joakim. There really is not much that you need to know about me beside: Black, Atlanta, Andre 3000, Lupe Fiasco, The Last Dragon, Harry Potter, Levi, Nike, Vans, Christina Cunningham and that is about it. I am currently located on the Westcoast but will probably be relocating back to the south sometime in the near future. I hope that you enjoy what it is we bring are to you in this blog and if you do not then let us know.